“Do you want the bad news now, or should I wait? I expected the question followed up by something mundane on a Monday, but this time it wasn’t. “I know why you haven’t heard from Matt…” and it hit me without a second guess. There wasn’t a question. He didn’t change his number. His condition didn’t worsen leaving him with the inability to text. I knew. I think what is worst is that if I think about it, deep down, I knew. Our last text exchange was a bit off, but the last 4 years had been off. I should have taken him to the doctors appointment he asked for a ride to, or to lunch he said we should have gotten. I let my life get in the way.

I think deep down what hurts is that there was a huge deal of grief and pain going on in his life that he chose to not reveal to even his closest friends. We all had assumptions. We all made accusations. However, the issue was never fully addressed.

My hope is that he’s somewhere no longer suffering. My hope is that he can look after all of us just like he would when he’d drive us home safely in his Honda Civic with the air conditioning blasted on high during every month of the year. To $2-you-call-it’s at Moondoggies, and dodging bullets at Typhoon Saloon, I’ll miss the crap out of you. You slept on a skateboard. Outside. What in the actual hell? I’ll miss you forever, and think of you often.