I was on the phone with my sister today and I mentioned “that’s surprising, because you’re by far the more diplomatic one between us…” and I believe that to be an accurate statement. Linds typically makes well thought out decisions and is not one to jump to conclusions due to emotions. She is pretty level-headed… but we all make mistakes.

[side note: the conversation progressed to how I should have beat up an old lady (I should have), but that is a story for another time.] 

Lindsay brings home much older man, hilarity ensues (almost like Tucker tries butt sex, but in a much cleaner, yet more twisted form). Despite his pseudo-bohemian appearance and vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs…yea, no. The guy resembled a 45 year old man who purchased any and all of his wardrobe from Costco (fast forward 10 years: there is a meme about the kid with a trapper keeper and white new balances who won’t let you copy his homework) that is THIS guy. I’m not saying Costco is bad. In fact, where else can you get a couple bottles of wine, a Vitamix, 1000 Solo cups, AND a hot piece of cheese pizza all in the same place? Money. I digress…

Coming from up north, we were told that this gentleman would only be visiting for a few days, but I honestly feel like he was here for months. Is that wrong of me to think his presence was that painful? It seemed like Linds liked him though, so we sort of just let them be. He stayed in nice hotels, took her to fancy dinners, and genuinely seemed like he cared. Game. Set. Match. 

I suppose the only problem would be is that Lindsay would later find out that this man was crazy. As my dad would say, isn’t that the “pisser” when it comes to dating? You meet someone who is great, and then you meet their brand of crazy and you have to determine if that vibes with your own personal crazy (we are all insane…just to differing degrees). As luck would have it, this man’s crazy was on a whole separate wavelength. 

We found it odd that this individual just didn’t want to go back home. Do you have a home? Isn’t there somewhere you should be? Does someone miss you.. you know, where you’re from? Work? It took him weeks to finally leave San Diego, and then the psychosis set in. Lindsay’s phone calls with him were much longer in length and occurred more frequently. From the outside looking in, these were two people who liked one another and enjoyed speaking. Or was it?

Being the thoughtful girlfriend that she was (read: refused to be seen with this guy who wore dad sneakers), Lindsay purchased him a pair of Vans. A seemingly innocent gesture that later turned into a point of contention. Conversations turned weird when this individual started asking Lindsay who was recording their phone calls (umm… pre-smart phone era? No one, honey…) After attempts were made at assuring her boyfriend that she was not out to get him, Linds decided to make a visit up to see him (where he lived…with his parents… 😐)

After an overall awkward visit, the accusations started. Not only was Linds out to sabotage this man (we don’t know how), but she was out to get his parents, too (who were elderly and just as nuts), and she’d enlisted the help of all of us (who had no idea any of this was going on) just to take them down! This was the most elaborate un-plan I had ever heard of. I’m almost thinking maybe they were some sort of Zombie Apocalypse/Doomsday types thinking the man was out for them? 

The icing on the cake occurs when the guy flat out lost his mind. We’re talking put in a psych ward type ish. The only way this could possibly happen is if the shoes Lindsay bought him were drugged, thus turning him into an actual lunatic, and Lindsay’s dramatic scheme to bring him down was finally a success!! Good, I’m glad we got to the bottom of that one…