I had the best old fashioned this weekend, and I wish I could have ordered said drink (you know, like a little make believe waitress would come out of my kitchen and deliver it to the couch) while attempting to watch another round of “Corinne’s Stupid Antics” or, as it’s popularly known as, “The Bachelor”. I guess I’m just confused as to why girls are  UPSET that Nick isn’t giving them a rose? Join the show, show moderate levels of attraction towards Nick, go on Bachelor in Paradise, and meet the real person you’re supposed to be with. Right? GRACE. You couldn’t have GRACE without a little heartache (I know it didn’t last, but tattoos are for life. Give it a year, I bet they’ll be back). Girl with short hair and a terrible red dress was crying and fanning her face (I’ve certainly cried before, but never needed to wave my hands towards my face. What is the purpose of this action?) said, “I’ve been really, really patient to fall in love.” So, do you want an award? Do you think that said patience means (at 24, mind you) that this somehow buys you points towards winning the “man of your dreams”? I’m super curious as to how some of these contestants actually think. Or, maybe they just say something before they think it through? What a novel millennial concept.

The biggest indication of this season’s shit show/the reason behind Nick’s all around shittiness as a person came when he said, “Welcome to my home town. I grew up in Waukesha, just about 2 miles from here.” Bingo. Bango. He’s from WISCONSIN. They’re all nuts, all of them, every person from Wisconsin is insane. Two words: Jeffrey Dahmer. He brings them to the lavish town of Milwaukee on the 3rd date with 5975 more dates to go because he wants to preemptively show them what a shit hole this place is, that way when things get serious in about 4 weeks, they won’t be surprised. Then, while in Milwaukee, he asks the girls to shovel shit. Now, I normally am not Corinne’s biggest supporter, but when he’s seen you naked, touched your boobs, and continues to give you roses because he knows you’ll get naked, I’d refrain from shoveling shit, too. Some of the girls (mental health counselor; who clearly is not a real mental health counselor) thinks this manure date is a metaphor of some sort. I can picture my 10th grade Honor’s English teacher asking for “symbolism”like this episode was a freaking chapter in Bless Me Ultima. What is the symbolism behind this episode? Shit. 

That is all.